Some people just love to be miserable. It’s like they’re legitimately scared to be happy, because all they’ve ever known is misery. Regardless of how many times you show someone the good and how great things can be, it won’t matter. They will always choose to be unhappy. It’s sad; you can’t help but feel bad for them. And if you care for said person, it makes it ten times harder to watch them suffer.
“Feeling miserable usually stems from a combination of mental health challenges, unaddressed trauma, biological factors, and negative thinking patterns that trap people in a cycle of unhappiness.” Understanding the root cause is the first step towards recovery.
But alternately, some people thrive in misery. It fuels them. Misery often “offers a sense of control, helps avoid the fear of the unknown, and relieves the pressure of taking risks.” Which makes sense, but seems like a terrible way to live your life. Miserable people often focus on the negatives and very rarely find the good in anything. Staying miserable allows them to avoid the fear of change and growth.
“A miserable person is generally defined by chronic negativity, an inability to take accountability, and a tendency to project their dissatisfaction onto others. They are often trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage, actively pushing others away while feeling envious of their happiness.”, according to an article I read. Miserable people tend to live in the past, focusing on their mistakes and regrets or they live in constant worry about the future, preventing them from living in, and enjoying, the present. Miserable people are also very resistant to change, never leaving their comfort zone. “Change requires effort and stepping outside a comfort zone. Miserable individuals often complain about being stuck but actively resist the actions required to improve their situations.”
The best practice for “helping” someone stuck in misery is to let them talk. Don’t try to fix it. Don’t give advice. Just listen. Actively listen. Most miserable people just want to be seen and heard. They’re not looking for advice. They’re not looking to be fixed. They just need someone to listen. Don’t try to change their mind or help them see the positives, just show compassion and understanding. Use affirming phrases to show you see their perspective.
Having care and concern for a person who’s stuck in that mentality can be mentally exhausting for you. When you constantly show them the good in the world and help them realize that they do actually deserve happiness, but they refuse to accept it, it hurts. It almost feels hopeless; but yet, you can’t give up on them. Because you care.. You genuinely care. You want the best for them.
But on the other hand, you can’t force someone to be happy, so just keep showing understanding and giving them positive reinforcement. Maybe one day it’ll click.
Welcome to the Chaos.. 