I did it..

Well…. Hi. It’s been a while. Life’s been kinddaaa crazy lately. A LOT has happened since my last post.

If you recall, I wasn’t happy. Not even a little bit.

I did decide to go home for Thanksgiving. I spent the week with my kids and my family. It was perfect. I missed my kids so much. Like, more than I realized. Talking to my mom and my girls, I quickly realized how unhappy I truly was. I, honestly, didn’t want to go back to South Dakota. I was dreading it. I was tired. Mentally exhausted. I knew when I got back, I’d just be back to being miserable.

I knew something had to change. I knew I had to do something.

I flew home on Saturday, November 26th. Donald was waiting for me when I got off the plane. I wasn’t happy to be there. I wasn’t happy or excited to see him. I didn’t miss him. I didn’t miss our life. I was numb. I wanted to turn around and go home.

Apparently my face was saying everything I wasn’t. I walked out the door and he took one look at me and said “when do the movers come?” We got in the truck and headed home. He tried to talk to me about what was going on. He wanted to. So bad. His daughter was with us, and I didn’t think it was appropriate to have that discussion with her there.

We dropped her off at her grandma’s house and started driving again. It was time. We talked about how unhappy I was and how I didn’t think our relationship could be saved. I told him I didn’t think I was in love with him and I wanted a divorce. We both cried. It was sad, but much so needed. We didn’t say much the rest of the car ride home.

When we got home, he went to his office and I went to the couch. I felt relief. I knew I made the right decision. I didn’t regret what was said. It was the truth. I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t been in a long time. Probably close to a year.

Now I had to plan how to get home. The U-Haul was $3,000. I had some money saved. Money I had been saving for a car. I wanted to be home, in Kentucky, by Christmas. A little less than a month to save money. I put in my notice at all of my jobs, and began saving every penny.

Time was flying by. I needed boxes. I needed to decide what I was taking and what I was leaving. I finally decided that I was only gonna take what I needed and leave the rest. I could buy new when I got a place of my own. I packed and packed. Boxes were stacked everywhere. I still didn’t have enough money. I was running out of time. I needed to leave. I felt so isolated. I was alone. 1,106 miles away from my family. I decided to get a loan. I’d just pay it back with taxes. Ok. Time to order the truck. December 27th. Not Christmas, but close enough. It’ll do.

He drove me to pick up the truck. It was a little awkward. But I was happy. Ecstatic, even. I was actually smiling. I hadn’t smiled in so long. I hired some neighbor kids to help load the truck. We got it done in a few hours. I was ready to go. But I decided to wait til like 4am to leave. I’m not sure I slept at all that night. I was just ready. The kids got up to say goodbye to me. I hugged them and told them to take care of their dad. Hugged Donald and got in the truck. It was time. I was going home!!!

I didn’t get tired at all. I stopped at a gas station and was gonna try to get some sleep in the parking lot, but I couldn’t. I ended up driving straight through. It took about 26 hours, I think. I pulled into my parents driveway on December 29th. I made it. I was home.

I used to spend every second of the day on the couch, doing nothing. No desire to do anything. No interest in anything. A shell of my former self. Since I left, I can honestly say that I haven’t had a “down” day since. Im happy. Truly happy. I haven’t felt this happiness in years. I’m almost back to me!!

So, I’m currently trying to file for divorce. It’s not as easy as people have made it out to be. But I’m working on it.

Next time I’ll tell you about what’s been going on in the past 8 months. Lol. So. Much.

❤️