Intimidating..

I was told, “you’re kind of intimidating”, a few days ago, and it got me thinking.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was intimidating, I’d have a pretty substantial amount of cash.

I have never understood it, though. I do not see myself as intimidating. At all.

intimidating

/inˈtiməˌdādiNG/

adjective

having a frightening, overawing, or threatening effect.

in·tim·i·date

/inˈtiməˌdāt/

verb

gerund or present participle: intimidating

frighten or overawe (someone), especially in order to make them do what one wants.

“Intimidating behavior is any action or word intended to frighten, threaten, or coerce another person, causing them to feel fear or to act against their will. This behavior can include physical displays of force, verbal threats, aggression, or creating an emotionally unsafe environment, ultimately making someone feel that their safety or well-being is at risk.”

I’m sorry. What?? I do not have a frightening or threatening effect. I am one of the nicest, kindest people. I will do anything for anyone. I can get along with anyone, and I don’t know a stranger.

However.. I will NOT sit back and be spoken to any sort of way and I will not be disrespected. I say what needs to be said.. and I say it with my chest. Every time. I do hurt feelings occasionally, but not on purpose. I just hold people accountable for their actions.

My biggest downfall is that I’m honest. Brutally honest. It makes me physically sick to lie to someone. I just can’t do it.

But.. I’m also very confident in a lot of aspects of my life. Perhaps that is what they mean?

“Being described as intimidating is not a direct compliment; the word’s definition implies causing fear or unease, which is negative. However, it can sometimes be interpreted as a compliment when it acknowledges traits like confidence, strength, intelligence, or success, but this is highly dependent on the speaker’s intent and the listener’s perspective.”

I did read a while ago that when someone says you are intimidating, they are “most likely describing their own feelings and perception of you. This can reflect their own insecurity or fear of a powerful or intelligent person.”

I’m not sure what people find so intimidating about me. I’ve asked, “how?” almost every time I’ve been told that, and no one has been able to give me an answer.

Is it my confidence? My intelligence? My life experience? My common sense? My ability to sense when something is off? My knowledge? My vibes? My ability to get things done? Is it because I think logically? I really don’t know. Someone told me that sometimes I “act like a dude” and that’s intimidating. Maybe they’re insecure? But that goes back to what I was saying earlier.

I posted on Facebook and asked if anyone ever thought I was intimidating. Almost everyone on my friends list knows me personally, in some form or fashion. Every single person said no, they never saw me as intimidating. One girl said she was “nervous” to have to debate me in college, but it wasn’t her being intimidated by my presence.

Maybe strangers that don’t know me and only have a brief encounter with me might think this. I do have a pretty bad RBF sometimes, but it’s usually because I’m deep in thought about ten thousand things. Or maybe it’s just people who aren’t very secure in themselves. Either way.. I don’t find myself intimidating. I’m confident. There is a difference.

People gravitate towards me. They’re drawn to my energy and my spirit. My energy is calming, and people feel safe around me. It’s almost magnetic in a way. My aura is pretty powerful. I’m a very positive person, and I genuinely care about people. I try to make people feel at ease and at peace. I’m also everyone’s biggest cheerleader, and I just want everyone to succeed. Maybe that’s what’s intimidating about me.

I, honestly, may never know.

Has anyone ever told you they think you’re intimidating? How did you feel? Do you agree?